26. Fears:
Teenagers may not let you know this but
they often worry. They are afraid of the future, concerned that
something bad will happen to them or their loved ones. The amazing
thing is that they do not always realise that you have fears too. We
often try to shield out loved ones from our fears which is perfectly
understandable but if they do not know that you have fears too they
can start to feel inadequate.
While it is important that we don't
overwhelm our teenagers with our worries it is important that they
know that it is normal to have fear and that it is how you deal with
it that counts.
When something frightening happens in
the world such as a terrorist attack or a natural disaster it is
tempting to dismiss our fears and pretend that everything is OK but
our teenagers watch us carefully. If we say we are not afraid but
behave in a way that suggests we are not telling the truth, this can
be far more worrying for your teenager than being honest about your
fears.
It is good to be honest, to acknowledge
when you are worried about things but that you are keeping your fears
in perspective. If you are well informed and factual you are likely
to reassure your teen that they do not need to be unduly worried
about specific incidents. If you are very worried about something and
you decide to take action to reduce the risk, these actions can
reassure your teenager.
If your teenager knows that they can
share their fears with you and that you will not belittle or judge
them, they are likely to feel reassured.
If you live in the present it is much
easier to reduce fears when when you overly focus on things that have
gone wrong in the past or may go wrong in the future. You can
introduce your teenager to mindfulness practises such as meditation.
There are guided meditations available
on-line that can really help:
There are even adult colouring books on
the market that are becoming increasingly popular. They can really
help people to reduce fears by encouraging us to be present.
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