Days 88-91 House Rules, Values, Dreams and Encouragement! ( Holiday Edition...)

88. House Rules:

People in every household sees things differently. We are all unique. What I believe to be acceptable behaviour for my teen may be seen as unacceptable to you. Providing we don't break the law we are free to bring up our teens in the way we see fit. This puts us in a very responsible position as we have enormous influence over our children despite what we may sometimes think.

Some decisions are easy. We may have a rule that nobody is allowed to smoke in our house and this rule can be relatively easy to enforce but some rules can be more controversial.

If you have a partner you may not necessarily share their view about what rules should or should not be enforced in your home. If you are not united in your approach this can be very confusing for your teen. If you do have a difference of opinion around certain things that you both believe to be important it is very helpful if you can discuss this calmly out of earshot from your teen so that you can come to an agreement and present a united front to your teen.

Even if you do not have a partner, it can be hard to decide which rules to enforce and which rules to relax as your teen grows older. They will no doubt tell you that everyone else's parents let them do the very thing that you are trying to prevent them from doing and this can make it very difficult to stick to what you have said.

It is good to decide on a few simple non negotiable rules and then you can afford to be more flexible with some of the other rules. It can be helpful to discuss the house rules with your teen and negotiate on them so that everyone in the house has had the opportunity to share their point of view before final decisions are made. It is also helpful to discuss and agree consequences for when the rules are broken. Providing your teen is clear on what the rules of your house are and they know the consequences for breaking those rules, you are in a good position to move forward.

It is a good idea to regularly review your rules. As they grow your teen is likely to become more trustworthy and responsible so you can consider relaxing some rules. In some cases your teen may enter a period of risk taking and rebelliousness. At these times you may need to make your rules firmer until they have learned the consequences of their actions.

If you feel you have got it wrong, don't be afraid to admit it. Tell your teen if you think you have been too lenient or too strict. They need to know that you are not perfect and that we all make mistakes.

89. Values:

Your values are your judgement on what is important in life. They may not be the same as other family members. When your values clash with your teenager's values this can create problems. If you think sharing is very important and your teen is reluctant to share their things with others this can disappoint you. If you are an active participant in the life of your local church but your teen says they don't believe in God, this can also be upsetting.

If your teen acts in a way that comes into direct conflict with your values and beliefs about life, this can be very hard to accept. It is important to remember that everyone is entitled to their opinion and that it is perfectly fine for us all to hold different values providing we don't negatively affect other people by holding the views that we do.

It can be very worrying if you believe that your teen is mixing with people who do not share your values but discriminate and treat others unfairly.

If this is a concern for you remember that your teen is far more likely to listen to you if you speak calmly to them and listen to what they have to say. It is also important to make sure you have the facts before criticising your teenager's friends.

Just because the local gossip seems to suggest that your teens associates are a bad influence does not mean that they are. Be prepared to listen to them. If they are willing to talk and respond fairly to you this could indicate that they are not as unreasonable as people have suggested.

If you do have evidence that they are acting unlawfully then you do need to communicate clearly and firmly to your teen. Point out the dangers of them following this particular crowd. Be prepared to consult the police if they behaviour is putting your teen at risk of law breaking.

Our values can change as we grow and as we have new experiences. As we get older many of us find our values more closely match our parents than when we were younger.

You may find that as your teen gets older they are more willing to listen and respond to you when you explain your values. Actions speak louder than words too. If you live your life and stick to your values you may well find that your teen will admire you for this and they may start to share your views more. Equally if you begin to realise that you no longer hold certain values it is good to be honest and admit this. Your teen is likely to have respect for you if you are flexible and show that you are willing to listen to people and learn from them.

90. Encouragement:

When children go to school they listen carefully to what everyone says about them. At a very young age if their teacher tells them they are no good at something they are likely to start to believe this for themselves.

Unfortunately we are far more likely to listen to and believe negative criticism than we are likely to absorb positive praise.

This means that parents, carers and anyone who works with children need to be aware of their influence over children.

If you wish to influence someone positively, you need to offer far more praise then blame. Young children who behave well in class are often left to get on with things while children who do the wrong thing become the prime focus of the teacher and their assistants. This can lead to some children concluding that if they wish for attention they need to behave badly.

All children benefit from other people noticing them doing something well and being praised for this. If this happens frequently they are likely to have robust self-esteem and will be more able to listen to and accept occasional negative criticism when it is required.

This is possibly even more relevant for teenagers. Some teens feel that they are only noticed or spoken to by an adult when they are doing the wrong thing. If they feel constantly criticised by parents, carers and teachers they are likely to stop listening to them.

One of the most important things that you can do to help your teen is to encourage them to do their best and try new things. Praise any attempts that they make to improve in some way and celebrate these attempts even when they fail.

If you never fail the chances are you are not trying something that challenges you enough. Your teen needs to know this and get used to getting things wrong and messing up, safe in the knowledge that you are there to help them get back on their feet when they fall so that they can try again.

91. Dreams:

It is so important to have dreams. What are your dreams? If you haven't got any now, think back to a time when you did. What did you want to be when you grew up? Who did you want to meet and where did you wish to travel?

Some of us have dreams for our children. We have clear ideas on what we would like them to be and the kind of life that we would like them to lead but we have given up on our own dreams. We might even think it is childish and unrealistic to have dreams once we become adults. If this it the case then how can be expect our children to have dreams, goals and ambitions if they don't see us striving to achieve our own dreams?

If you haven't got a goal or a dream right now then I urge you to stop reading this. Don't read on until you have made a list of the things that you like doing and decide on something that you would like to achieve. Work out the steps needed to achieve your goal and work on it a little every day. Share your dream with your teen and before you know it they are likely to be encouraging you to achieve your dream. Once you set an excellent example like this you are in a position to encourage your teen to have their own dreams and to share their dreams with you. They can identify the steps needed to achieve their dream and you can help them by celebrating their successes and encouraging them through their failures.

As Walt Disney said, “If you can dream it, you can do it!”

Days 83-87 Easter Weekend Edition: Clothes, Competition,Someone To Talk To and more!

83. Clothes:

Some teenagers are very interested in clothes. They spend hours researching the latest trend in magazines and spend their available money on buying the seasons fashions.

This can be fun and they can get a lot of satisfaction wearing clothes that suit them but some teenagers become obsessed by clothes and will not go out unless they are wearing clothes that they think make them look good. It is important that your teen learns that there are other things in life that matter and that while new clothes are nice they should only buy what they can easily afford. It does not make sense getting into debt in order to buy new clothes.

It is possible to buy clothes from charity shops and adapt them to make them look more fashionable. If your teen is creative they may be able to make their own clothes or maybe you can make them an outfit?

Making clothes can be fun. Knitting and sewing are useful skills to develop. Being able to take up a hem or sew on a button is very helpful. Take the time to show your teen how to make simple clothing repairs will help them to be more independent and save money. If they can make minor adjustments on clothes such as putting up or taking down a hem they will be able to customise clothes to suit them.

84. Competition:

Some competition in life can be good. We all get plenty of experience of winning and losing in life and competing with others can be fun. At other times competition can be less productive.

We all have our own unique gifts and talents and there are things that we are not very good at. Some people seem to specialise in one thing that they are good at and other people are known as good all-rounders but are not particularly outstanding at any one thing.

Knowing and celebrating what we are good at is fun and rewarding but it is also good to work on areas where we require improvement.

If your teen is quite competitive then this can be encouraged providing it has a positive effect on them. Some teenagers become obsessed with competing with their peers and forget that a lot can be gained through cooperation and collaboration in place of competition.

Challenging yourself to beat your own personal best at sport can be very rewarding. If we teach our teens to strive to be the best that they can be, they are likely to take pride in their achievements.

Being good at something takes work. It is good to encourage your teen to work at things in order to improve.

You can model this by learning new skills yourself. If your teen is able to watch you trying something new, working to improve and succeeding, this is likely to foster a good mental attitude in your teen too.

85. Someone To Talk To:

Most of us benefit from having a small number of people we know that we can confide in. We trust that they will listen to us, not judge us and that they will not breach our confidences. If your teen does not have this, they may feel rather insecure and uncertain in life. Show them that they can trust and rely on you by listening carefully to them and not judging them.

There is a lot to be gained by both teen and parents or carers if they can build their relationship to one of mutual trust and respect.

Encourage your teen to become the kind of person others will trust and depend on. Being a good listener and being non-judgemental are positive qualities that we can all work on and develop. Your teen may know of someone at their school who is lonely. If they can take time out of their own life to smile and be friendly to this person they have the capacity to enhance the lives of those around them and this can only be a good thing.

86. Self Help Groups:

Sometimes your teen may struggle to feel heard and understood despite your best efforts. While some teens find it easy to talk about their challenges and anxieties to family members, others struggle with this and can feel isolated. This can be particularly true if their friends do not share their fears and anxieties. Your teen may suffer from a specific problem or issue and may benefit greatly from joining a self-help group where other people know what they are going through.

These groups can be extremely effective at supporting people providing the advice they offer is well balanced and helpful. A small number of self-help groups can lose perspective and offer few solutions. In these instances the self help group can make the situation worse.

There is a lot of on-line self-help available. This can be extremely helpful for people who do not wish to travel long distances as help is available at the touch of a button. There are also phone-lines and email addresses available that offer support. Many self-help type sites are run by people who understand what your teen is going through as they have had similar experiences in their own lives. Some of these sites also offer advice to friends and family members as it can be very hard if you have a friend or relation that you would like to help but you just can't seem to find the right words or the right advice to really help them.

As with anything new, look into self-help groups carefully before getting involved with them to ensure that they are able to offer the support that is right for you or your teen.

87. Useful Websites:

Most of us have The Internet available to us in our homes. This means that we have access to websites that specialise in just about anything that you can imagine.

A simple search on Google or any other search engine by putting relevant keywords into your browser and pressing enter can reveal just about anything you want to know.

With so much available at our fingertips, our task is to ensure that the information that we are accessing is up to date and accurate. As with any source of information we need to make sure that we are confident that what we are being told is accurate and helpful. This is a very important skill to pass on to your teen. Just because you read something on a website it doesn't mean that it is true. Anyone can create a website and providing the content does not breach international laws the site can remain on the web available for anyone to access. This can be wonderful as it means we can all freely share our ideas and news but this also means that some unscrupulous people can do the same. Remind your teen to keep themselves safe when using the Internet. If they are paying for goods via websites then ask them to check that the site is secure before going ahead.

Day 82 School Refusing

82. School Refusing:

School refusing happens for a variety of reasons and can be very distressing for your teen and worrying for you. You may discover that your teen has been truanting from school or they may refuse to leave for school in the morning.

It may be that the school has contacted you to break the news or your teen may tell you themselves.

It is important to try and find out the reason for your teen refusing to go to school. Ask them why they haven't been going to school and see if they will tell you.

It may be that they are being bullied or they find the work too hard. They may be bored.

Once you know the reason you are in a better position to be able to help your teen. If they are being bullied try and find out the circumstances and agree a course of action with your teen. They may wish you to contact the school on their behalf to let the school know what is happening or they may wish to deal with the problem themselves but feel better knowing that you are there and that you support them. They may feel more willing to go into school once they have shared their worries with you.

On the other hand they may refuse to let you know why they are not going to school.

They may tell you later. Try to remain calm and patient so that they know you are there for them.

Your teenager needs to know that if school refusing becomes too much of a problem the school will get involved and may call in an Educational Welfare Officer to monitor their attendance.

You can run the risk of getting fined and your teenager needs to know this.

Day 81. Learning Difficulties And Disabilities:

81. Learning Difficulties And Disabilities:

Some teenagers have learning difficulties or disabilities and as they grow older they can become increasingly aware of them.

If someone has a learning difficulty they may not learn at the same rate as their friends of the same age.

When they were younger they may have been less aware of their differences but as they grow and mature some teens will start to compare themselves unfavourably with their friends and ask why they can't do something as well as them.

It may be that their friends are trusted to go to the shops on their own while they require supervision. If this is the case it is a good idea to be honest with your teen and explain to them in simple terms that they have a learning difficulty or disability which means that while they can do a lot for themselves independently they do need a bit more help than some of their friends.

If they have a particular condition it is good to let them know this and for them to be given the facts around their condition. There are many websites that can help you and your teen learn more about specific learning difficulties and disabilities.

If you are honest with your teenager they are likely to come to terms with their differences knowing that their learning difficulty does not mean that they should give up. They should be encouraged and supported to follow their dreams just as every other teen should be.

If your teen is unlikely to be able to live independently in future, you may be worried about what will happen to them when you get old. They may also be worrying about this so it is important that you talk about this so they don't worry alone.

Social Services can give you advice and support on accommodation and opportunities for people with learning difficulties and disabilities.

Day 80 Low Self Esteem

80. Low Self Esteem:

Many teenagers suffer from low self esteem. They lack confidence in their own ability and compare themselves unfavourably to others.

This can be distressing for parents and carers as they see their teen go from a confident, happy-go-lucky person to someone who is shy and timid.

It can be hard to work out why this happens. Some teenagers are going through a developmental stage where they feel awkward and clumsy. They fail to realise that other teens feel just as they do as they assume everyone else is brimming with confidence. If this is happening to your teen, listen to their worries and try not to interrupt. If your teen trusts you enough to tell you what is worrying them, reward their trust by giving the space and time that they need.

Often they are not looking for advice, just someone who cares about them to listen to them.

Praise them for things that they do well at every opportunity. If things go wrong, be there to help them pick up the pieces and start again.

Failure can be upsetting but if you praise your teen for attempting new challenges they will begin to realise that in life we need to experience failure in order to grow and develop.  

76-79 Weekender: Gangs, Swearing, Dating Sites and Pornography!

76. Gangs:

Many parents and carers worry that their teenager may get involved in a gang. Becoming a member of a gang can seem very appealing to some teens. Being a member of a gang can help people feel part of something unique and exciting. Gangs often have their own rules, their own distinct clothes and give their members a strong sense of identity. Gangs are not necessarily violent so if your teen gets involved in a gang don't assume the worst. Try and find out what the gang is like. Are any of the members willing to come round to your house so you can meet them? Is your son or daughter's behaviour affected negatively by being in the gang? If they seem unchanged then you probably do not need to intervene but if they start getting into trouble and do not respond to your rules any longer then you do need to talk to them and let them know your concerns.

Many parents and carers worry that if their teen get involved in a gang the members may be a bad influence on them. This is an understandable concern but it is important to stick to the facts. Are you certain that gang members are influencing your teen negatively? It is important not to jump to conclusions.

When you do share your concerns with your teen, make sure you give them the opportunity to explain their point of view. Carefully consider what they say before making any decisions but once you have decided what you would like from your teen, communicate clearly with them.

You may decide that you want to limit the time they spend with the gang including asking your teen to return home by a certain time.

If your teen cooperates with you you can continue to monitor the situation so that you can intervene when necessary.

If your teen does not cooperate and you believe that they are in serious danger of getting involved in dangerous, illegal activity then the best thing you can do is to consult the police who have trained officers who can help you to deal with this situation.

77. Swearing:

Most teenagers swear at one time or another and this can really upset their parents and carers. Some swear words are considered to be more offensive than others. As teenagers grow, many go through a period of rebellion. It can be exciting doing things that have been forbidden to do. Swearing can seem exciting as it appears to challenge authority.

In addition to this, some parents and carers strongly disapprove of their son or daughter swearing but have a tendency to swear openly themselves.

If you have a tendency to swear it is important that you explain to your teenager that there is a time and a place for everything and some places are definitely not good places for swearing.

Swearing in school does not tend to go down very well so your teen should be discouraged from swearing there. The Older Generation can be particularly offended by swearing as it was much less acceptable 20 or more years ago. Teach your teenager that while some people are amused by swearing and many comedians swear, some people are deeply offended by it and so it is unfair to swear in front of them as it causes unnecessary offence.

Swearing around people is not regarded as serious as swearing at them. If someone is being sworn at they can feel directly challenges but they may be more tolerant of someone swearing in general.

There are better ways of expressing our displeasure than swearing. Excessive swearing is unimaginative and unproductive.

78. Dating Sites:

Many parents and carers can feel concern when their teen starts dating. They naturally want the best for them and don't want the to get hurt. Some teenagers use dating sites such as 'Plenty of Fish' or 'Tinder.' Both sites have age restrictions designed to prevent youngsters from being exploited. Some teens lie about their age and this can lead to problems.

Dating sites get their members to create a profile which details their age and interests etc. If other members of the site are interested they can make contact. If both parties like one another they can choose to meet up.

It is important to remember safety rules when using dating sites. It is best so meet in a public place and let someone know where you are going and what time you will be back. It is best not to accept a lift from your date so you should arrange transport to and from the venue yourself. These tips are designed to keep people safe whatever their age.

It is particularly important that teens follow dating site safety rules if they are going to use dating sites effectively. There are a number of fake profiles circulating and some people are not who they say they are.

If your teenager is making use of a dating site, talk to them and explain that if they are going to use on-line dating they need to let you know where they are going and what time they will be back so that you can help to make sure that they are safe.

Dating sites can get a bad press as some married people pretend they are single and some people go on dates and start relationships with more than one person at a time. Some people say they are looking for a long term relationship when they are really looking for a brief, sexual fling so it, is important that your teenager is aware of this so they can look out for people who don't appear sincere.

That said, teenagers can meet people socially who are not suitable either so it is unfair to distrust all people who use dating sites as the vast majority are single and are genuinely looking to meet someone nice. It is good to look at internet dating as a way of introducing one person to another. What happens next is up to the people concerned.

79. Pornography:

Many teenagers experiment with watching Porn. They may even get hold of magazines or DVD's. It can be very shocking to some parents and carers to discover that their teen has been watching Porn while some parents and carers see this as an inevitable part of growing up.

Any pornography that uses violence or involves under-age sex is definitely not appropriate content for teens. Some porn can be described as 'Soft Porn' and can be viewed by some people as less damaging. It is important to be aware that it is illegal in UK for teenagers to watch Porn until they are 18.

One of the dangers is that if a someone watches a lot of Porn they can end up with unrealistic attitudes towards sex and relationships. This is largely because Porn is an act, it does not reflect reality. It is exaggerated and unrealistic so if teenagers educate themselves about sex by watching porn they are likely to end up with a confused view of what sex is really like.

It is important that you ensure that your teenager knows 'the facts of life.' If they have not received any sex education they are likely to glean what information they can from The Internet and their friends and the may miss out on some vital information around contraception, for example.

It can be very difficult talking to your teen about this subject but if you suspect that they are watching Porn it is important that they are aware of some of the risks associated with this.

Day 75 High Expectations

75. High Expectations:


It is good to have high expectations so long as they are realistic. If your expectations of your teen are too high then you may be setting them up to fail.
It is good to have challenging goals to work towards but if your teen is not very academic it may be unrealistic to expect them to get top grades in their exams. If your teen is not sporty they are unlikely to be selected for a sports team if they are not able to compete with the opposition.
Find out what your teens interests and talents are and praise their achievements in that field.
It is OK to aim for something and to fail. You learn when you fail and this helps you to get better next time.
Sometimes it is not you that has high expectations of your teen. It may be another family member or it may be themselves. If the family member is applying too much pressure it would be good for you to talk to them and let them know that they are causing your teen unwarranted stress.
If they have overly high expectations of themselves they may feel very disappointed if they do not achieve the goal they have set themselves. This is where you can be there to listen to them, reassure them that all is not lost and you can help them to keep things in perspective.
It is good to expect the best from people as people can achieve great things when other people have faith in their ability. It is great to have high expectations of yourself and your teen and it is very rewarding when people rise to meet these expectations.
If we don't aim very high we are unlikely to achieve much.
If we don't put ourselves forward for things because we fear competition then we are unlikely to achieve our dreams.
Some people lack confidence in themselves and so they limit their achievements.
As Henry Ford said,”If you think you can do a thing or you think you can't do a thing, you are right!”
If we want something we sometimes need to risk what we currently have in order to achieve what we desire.
If we never take a chance or risk failure our life can become rather sheltered and dull.
Teach your teen that it is OK to try and fail and if we do fall, we can pick ourselves up and try again. Being resilient is a vital life-skill.

Day 74 Counselling

74. Counselling:

Counselling can really help people to cope with difficulties that they struggle to deal with in their lives. Sometimes all your teen needs is a friend or family member to listen to them and maybe offer advice if they ask for it but at other times when a problem persists then they may really benefit from a counsellor.

Counselling can be accessed by people who need it via their school or G.P.

There can be a waiting list but urgent cases are prioritised.

Counselling is confidential. The client builds up a relationship with their counsellor to the point that they can share what is upsetting them. The counsellor can explore their concerns and ask them questions to help them to find more effective ways of dealing with challenges in their lives. The process can take time and it takes a willingness to change. The effects of counselling can be dramatic.

Counselling can help with anxiety, depression and a whole host of other challenges. Cognitive Behavioural Therapy can also be extremely helpful in assisting your teen to make positive changes in their life. Visit NHS Choices to find out more about the help that is available:

http://www.nhs.uk/conditions/Counselling/Pages/Introduction.aspx

Day 73 Obesity

73. Obesity:

Obesity among teens is becoming a real concern in modern Britain and in other parts of The World. There are a combination of possible reasons for this. Many teenagers get less exercise than they did when they were younger. They may be less involved in sport than they used to be and may be spending more time at home playing computer games or watching T.V.

In addition, high fat but tempting junk food is easily affordable and widely available. Pizza's can be ordered on-line and delivered straight to your home and as we are all so busy these days many of us buy food that is easy and quick to prepare.

Much of this food tends to be high in saturated fat which adds to the problem. If your teen is slightly overweight. It is probably best not to focus on it too much. You could encourage them to get more exercise by offering to join them in a trip to the swimming pool or you could go for a walk somewhere inspiring.

If your teen is seriously overweight it is important to support them so that they can receive the right help and advice.

NHS choices offers advice on how you can support your teen and what a G.P can do to help. They also have a 12 week programme that could help you and your family if you choose to lose weight:

http://www.nhs.uk/Livewell/loseweight/Pages/start-losing-weight.aspx

Days 71 and 72~ Weekend edition: 'Uncertainty about the future' and 'Sudden changes in behaviour.'

71. Uncertainty About The Future:

If you watch The News regularly it is easy to become overwhelmed with worry and uncertainty about the future. Climate Change and the threat of terrorism are on the agenda regularly at the moment and it can be very frightening for your teenager.

They have not got as much life experience as you so it can be harder to maintain a sense of perspective when they just hear bad news.

When something disastrous happens and it is reported on The News it is good to be informed but constant coverage can be frightening.

Talk to your teenager about what is happening and let them share their fears so that you can give them accurate and useful information rather than leaving them to worry alone.

Make sure that you are aware of the facts. Some reports can be misleading and inaccurate.

If your teen asks questions try and find out accurate answers. Teenagers respond best to honesty. If you don't have the answers it is best to admit this to your teen.

As they grow, teach your teen to question what they hear on The News. Encourage them to consider if there may be missing information or another side to the story.

Questioning what they read, see and hear helps teens to become well balanced individuals.

Realising that some questions do not have simple answers and knowing that the solutions to world problems can be complex will help your teen to have a balanced view of life.

72. Sudden Changes In Behaviour:

It can be very worrying when your teen starts behaving differently. Sudden changes in behaviour that seem out of character for your teen can be alarming. If you are worried about them, try asking them if anything is bothering them. You can say that you have noticed that they don't seem quite themselves at present.

They may open up to you and tell you the reason for their mood change or they may not.

If they decide not to tell you what is bothering them you can remind them that you are there for them if they change their mind and then monitor them carefully for any signs of what might be the problem.

Changes in behaviour can be innocent or the reason can be more serious. They may be experimenting with drugs or alcohol, for example. The side effects of drug and alcohol experimentation could lead to mood changes in your teen but it is important not to jump to conclusions or expect the worst as this is likely to alienate your teen if they are falsely accused of doing something that they haven't done. Stick to facts. If you are sure that they are putting themselves at risk in some way and this is leading to changes in their behaviour you will need to deal with this situation but if you have no evidence, try to stay calm and keep looking out for clues as to your teens change of mood.

Remember mood swings are very common in the teenage years. All the hormonal changes taking place in their body can leave them feeling snappy or tearful.

Day 70 Teen Carers

70. Teen Carers:

Some teenagers care for another family member at home. This person could be you.

It is rarely planned for a teenager to take over the care of another person but sometimes this happens due to a families unique circumstances.

Many teens show remarkable resilience and adapt very well to being a Young Carer while others can appear to be coping but can experience feelings of anxiety, isolation and resentment and also feel guilty for experiencing these feelings.

NHS choices offers further insight in to this issue:

http://www.nhs.uk/Conditions/social-care-and-support-guide/Pages/young-carers-rights.aspx

Young Carers can be responsible for helping their parents or a younger brother or sister with personal care. They may help around the house performing duties such as cooking, cleaning and other housework.

In some cases the Young Carer can be reluctant to leave the person that they are caring for as they feel protective towards them. This can affect their school work and their social life.

Social Services can help to ensure that the needs of all the family is met and that they receive respite care and any benefits that they may be entitled to.

It is important to realise that you are entitled to the help you need and you should not be afraid or ashamed to ask for help if you need it. The Social Worker will carry out a 'Young Carers Needs Assessment.'

This can be used to help ensure that they receive the appropriate support to help them in their role.

The Carers Direct helpline (0300 123 1053) offers confidential information and advice for carers.

day 69 Bereavement

69. Bereavement:

When someone close to us dies it can be very hard for everyone to deal with. It can be particularly hard for teens especially if they have not experienced death before. 'Cruse' offer invaluable support for people coping with loss. Teenagers are more aware of the long term implications of losing someone than younger children but this news occurring at a time when they are rapidly growing and developing can be a real shock to the system. They may seek support from their friends or they may be willing to talk to you about how they feel.

http://www.cruse.org.uk/Children/teenagers-understanding-death

Knowing that your teen is struggling with bereavement can be very hard on you particularly if you were also close to the person who has died. Your teen may lash out and take out their feelings on you at the very time when you feel least able to cope with this.

It is important that you receive help and support yourself in order to be able to support your teen.

People go through distinct stages when they experience grief.

They can experience denial where they refuse to believe that the news is true.

They can experience extreme anger when they begin to realise that the news is real and that their loved one really isn't coming back. They can experience something known as bargaining where they start saying things like 'if only we had done this then that would not have happened.' They may even do secret 'deals' with God or a higher force that they believe in saying, ' if you bring this person back to me I will...'

They can experience sadness, depression and eventually acceptance.

Your teen can swing between these emotional states and find it very hard to move on with their lives.

After initially receiving the news that a loved one has died, your teen may also have to deal with attending a funeral,maybe for the first time.

This may worry them as they know that a lot of people will be gathered there and will be very upset. This can be hard for them to face but if they are able to attend the funeral this can help them to experience a degree of closure.

Grief is unique to each individual. Some people recover more quickly than others. Listen to your teen. Let them share how they feel with you. Be honest with them when you are feeling upset yourself, you are only human and the news has been upsetting for you too.

Some teenagers find it comforting to take flowers to the graveside of their loved one while others find this upsetting. Your teen will find what is right for them.

Recovering from grief takes time and some people find it very hard to move on from this. Knowing that you understand this and that they can talk about their feelings with you is likely to provide them wit a great source of comfort.  

Day 68 Anxiety

68. Anxiety:

Anxiety can be very hard to deal with. If you suffer from anxiety yourself you will know that there is no point in someone telling you 'not to worry and that 'everything will be OK.'

If you suffer from anxiety it can really impact on your life.

It is upsetting to discover that your teen is suffering from anxiety. You may find it hard to imagine what they have to worry about or you may wish you could just take their problems away for them.

'Youngminds' have put together very useful advice on how to support your teen with this. They also have a free helpline for parents that you can call for support.

http://www.youngminds.org.uk/for_parents/worried_about_your_child/anxiety?gclid=CjwKEAiAhaqzBRDNltaS0pW5mWgSJADd7cYDPPalCFRiDjYoPXalfTN5gJwb0-S9Qbg_meXdfaF_QxoCIJ_w_wcB

Some teenagers really worry about growing up. They worry about their health, family, friends, their school work, World affairs, everything.

It can be hard for them to share their fears and many keep it all bottled up inside. It can help them to know that you are there for them and are always ready to listen. If they feel heard they will start to feel reassured and they may begin to feel less anxious knowing they can share their fears with you.

In some cases anxiety can become a real problem. If it is really starting to affect the quality of your teens life they may need further help and support.

Anxiety can be effectively treated with talking therapies including counselling. In some cases it can be treated with medication.

Encourage your teen to visit the GP so that they can help them to decide on the best form of treatment.

day 67 Abuse

67.Abuse:

There are several forms of abuse and they are all extremely damaging. There have been a number of

recent scandals that have highlighted incidents of sexual abuse that have affected teens over many years. Some of the these crimes were committed by high profile celebrities and this has left may people reeling. It is hard to imagine that anyone would deliberately abuse a teenager.

Abuse can be physical, sexual and it can be emotional. All leave their scars.

If you teen is abused by someone they are likely to find it very hard to talk about. If they do pluck up the courage to tell someone they need to be taken seriously.

The police become involved where there are allegations of child abuse. They have highly trained staff who know the right questions to ask and how to support teenagers through the process.

If your teenager discloses to you that someone has been abusing them it is important that you make use of these services.

Sometimes the allegations made turn out to be false or they can't be substantiated. Whatever the outcome this kind of experience can be devastating for families. Counselling is available to help teens through this difficult time and can really help them to begin the healing process.

If your teen has been a victim of abuse and they feel able to talk to you it is important that you listen to them.

If they are speaking out about a loved one it can be very hard to believe their story. They need to be taken seriously unless it can be proved that they are not telling the truth.

If they are lying then there may be a reason for the lies which you can explore with the right help and support.

'Stop it Now' offers useful advice on what to do if you suspect someone is being abused. Their advice is confidential.

http://www.stopitnow.org.uk/frequently_asked_questions.htm

Day 66 Films

66. Films:

Films are enjoyed by many of us. Once again they have a certificate attached to them letting you know of any age restrictions. Some films can be very entertaining for the right audience but deeply disturbing for others. Some films are very violent and this can have a very negative influence on your teen.

Once you have decided which films are appropriate for your teen it is good to watch the chosen films with your teen so any issues raised can be discussed. Watching films can be a good way of bringing up difficult issues such as domestic abuse. After watching a film you can discuss what happened to the character. Allow your teen to express their feelings on the issues and listen to them carefully. That way you can address misconceptions they might have and provide them with any factual information that they need.

Some films are adaptations of books. This can be a good way of encouraging reluctant readers to read more. Harry Potter and Lord Of the Rings spring to mind.

Some films vary a lot from the book that they are inspired by. It can be very rewarding reading the book and then watching the film with your teen. You can discuss the things you liked as well as the things you disliked.

Some films are regarded as classics and are enjoyed by people of any age especially at Christmas time.

Watching films at home can be an affordable form of entertainment that you can share with your teen even if going to the cinema proves to be too expensive.

If your teen is struggling with their English coursework find out if the text they are studying has a film associated with it. Watching the film with your teen, taking an interest in it and discussing the characters and plot can greatly enhance your teens understanding of the text.

Day 64 and 65 Social networking and Video Games

64.Social Networking:

Social Networking is a very popular tool. Your teen may well love using it and be oblivious of the dangers. From time to time experts visit schools and before attending they ask for the name and age of a number of pupils. They research what information they can find out about these pupils just by using Social Media. What they find can be truly alarming.

Your profile on Social Media can be set to be viewed be friends and family or it can be set for anyone to view it.

Even if your teen has a high security setting on their profile if friends have less secure settings they can share your teens posts with the wider world. This is harmless if the posts do not reveal sensitive information about your teen but this can be a concern if your teen has shared private information.

When they arrive at the school for the talk, the expert shares the information that they have managed to glean with the teen concerned. This can truly shock the teen. They don't always realise that people can find out where they live and what electrical goods that they have in the house just by reading their posts. This is because people often share photographs that can give away this kind of information. They may be photographed proudly holding up their new play-station, for example. That way any potential burglars can see if their house is worth burgling by looking at the gifts that your teen has proudly displayed. The experts then give the teens tips on how to stay safe on line.

Social Networking is a great way of keeping in touch with people who live far away. It is a very positive tool when used in the right way. Over-use can lead to your teen leading a rather superficial life. It is important that they balance time spent using Social Media with spending time out in the real world.

65. Video Games:

Video games can be very exciting. Technology has advanced to the extent that graphics can be very realistic and appealing to your teen. Many of their friends have all the latest games and so it is understandable that your teen may crave them too.

The first thing to consider is the appropriateness of the game being played. Just like with watching films, video games have a certificate applied to them letting you know what age the game is suitable for. It is illegal to sell a game to an under-age person. This doesn't mean that everyone sticks to these rules so there is a risk that your child will come across games that they are not legally allowed to play.

You know your child better than anyone. If they find it hard to distinguish fact from fantasy they are more likely to be damaged from playing a game before they are the right age than if they are mature and sensible. If you feel that a game is inappropriate for your child do not be afraid to tell them so. You can confiscate the game and give it to them when they are older. They may be angry with you if you do this but if you calmly point out your reasons they are likely to respect your decision.

Games can be fun if played in moderation but there are concerns that many teenagers play games for far too may hours. This is not healthy and should be discouraged. Some games are interactive and can be played with friends on-line. This means your teen can communicate with their friends while they play. This is fine if their friends behave appropriately but some people use this as an opportunity to behave in an abusive way to others. Some deliberately ruin the game for fun which can be upsetting to your teen. Some people claim to be young teens and create a false profile when they are really a predatory adult.

Warn your teen that this sometimes happens so that they do not give away personal information to people that they do not know.

If your teen gets upset while playing an on-line game make sure you supervise what is going on to make sure that it is nothing serious.  

Day 63 Media

63. Media:

The media has a huge role to play in teen life these days. Something happening in one part of the world can be shared across the world in seconds. This can be very useful when passing on important messages but can be devastating if the news is malicious or unfair.

In the past, news took much longer to spread. Teenagers have grown up with the constant availability of The Internet. It has its good and bad points. Social media is exciting and can enhance your teens life. On the other hand it can be a source of misery for some.

Magazines offer glossy photographs of beautiful, slim models and popular airbrushed celebrities. As teens grow and end up with spots and greasy hair they can start comparing themselves negatively to these celebrities. Even looking at the their friends looking happy and well dressed on Social Media can add to their feelings of inadequacy.

What your teen may forget is people usually choose their best photo's to post on Social Media. Celebrities insist on photo's of them looking their best and so media can give your teen the false impression that everyone is more beautiful than they are!

The information we receive in the media is not always well presented and balanced.

Talk about this with your teen. Teach them that there are reliable and unreliable sources of information available on the Internet.

How do you know what you are reading is true?

Who is being quoted? How do you know this information is reliable?

It is good to think about answers to these questions yourself before discussing this with your teen.

When we study for exams we are asked to make quotes from reliable sources. We learn that there are facts and there are opinions. The accuracy of opinions can vary. Statistics can be manipulated to make something look good in order to prove someone's point.

Always question what you read and encourage your teen to do likewise.

Point out that some magazines and newspapers are politically biased and so are likely to be presenting information to prove a particular political point.

If you can encourage your teen to question what they see and hear you will be teaching them an important life skill that will help them greatly throughout their lives.

Day 62 Eating Disorders

62. Eating Disorders:

It can be devastating to discover that your teen has developed an eating disorder.

Kidshealth offer useful advice on this subject.

http://kidshealth.org/teen/food_fitness/problems/eat_disorder.html#

They have advice for children, advice for teens and advice for parents.

If you suspect that your child does have an eating disorder it is important to read up on the facts. There are different disorders and the treatments for each disorder can vary.

Anorexia and bulimia are two of the most common.

Some teens have a real fear of weight gain while some purge themselves or binge-eat. Some teens exercise all the time to prevent themselves from gaining weight.

Many people who develop an eating disorder are teenagers. The reasons for this vary. There are a lot of pressures on teenagers these days. They may be worried about exams, they may be responding to peer pressure and they may be feeling that they do not have enough control over their lives. Eating disorders should be taken seriously. In the most extreme cases the victim can experience malnutrition and even death.

As eating disorders involve the mind and the body, effective treatment involves looking after the mind and body.

Some teens are willing to be treated and can be referred for help via their G.P.

Some may resist this but agree to counselling or another form of therapy.

NHS Choices offers good advice here.

Treatment available can vary depending on where you live. Your local health centre should be able to let you know of the treatments available.

Life can be very hard for people with eating disorders, their friends and families. The NHS website offers advice on what you can do to support someone who has an eating disorder.

The path to recovery can be very long and slow. Tiny steps forward can be made followed by big jumps back. The key is to keep listening, keep reassuring your teen that you are there for them.

http://www.nhs.uk/Livewell/teengirls/Pages/treatmentforeatingdisorders.aspx

Also be aware that some websites that say they are here to help people suffering from eating disorders are really sites where they teach teens how to disguise their eating disorder from their family and friends so that they can continue to starve themselves.

Before recommending a website to your teen check it out for yourself first to make sure that the advice that they are giving is likely to be helpful for them.  

Day 51 Shyness

61. Shyness:

Some teenagers are painfully shy. They can find it very hard to be around other people and can blush easily.

The website Kidshealth offers helpful advice on this subject.

http://kidshealth.org/teen/your_mind/emotions/shyness.html

Adjusting to new people and places can be difficult for them and they can come across as unfriendly which can make the situation worse.

If your teen is shy, they will benefit from you being patient with them and waiting for them to open up to you. Let them take their time. They may find it very difficult to talk to you about their feelings without getting very flustered and tongue-tied. Be patient with them and let them talk when they are ready. Knowing that you are there for them and willing to listen to them will help them overcome their feelings of shyness and help them to communicate how they feel.

The kinds of situations that make them feel shy may vary. Some people find one to one discussions difficult while others fear small groups or large crowds.

Some situations can feel totally overwhelming to them.

Encourage them to take things one step at a time. If they find going out in large groups difficult, maybe they can start by going out with a trusted friend and slowly build to a small group before pushing themselves to attend large social gatherings, for example.

It can be helpful to go out for a walk or a drive with your teen rather than talking to them face to face. They may find it easier to open up to you while you are driving or walking along.

Day 60 Suicidal thoughts

60. Suicidal Thoughts:

If your teen is having suicidal thoughts it is important to ask for help. NHS choices offers very useful advice on this.

http://www.nhs.uk/Conditions/Suicide/Pages/Getting-help.aspx

They offer the Childline contact details. Childline offers great advice and support on a range of issues including this one. Many children and young people use Childline because it is anonymous and easily accessible.

https://www.childline.org.uk/Pages/Home.aspx

Their phone number is 0800 1111

It is a good idea for your teen to know of this number in case they or their friends ever need the support of trained counsellors. They can also make contact via email.

It is well worth visiting the site yourself to see what is available. There is even a useful video to watch letting people know what happens when they make a call to Childline.

This is very useful as some people fear the unknown and this may be the barrier that prevents them from getting help.

If your teen is having suicidal thoughts and they have told you this, you are in a position of trust. Praise them for telling you and listen to them very carefully so that you are in the best possible position to advise them on what to do next.

If they have confided in someone else and you receive this information second hand, it can hurt to discover that they have trusted someone other than you with this important information. Try not to take this personally as the main thing is that they have told someone which is the first step towards getting help.

It may well be that they were trying to spare your feelings because they don't want you to worry.

Some teenagers are part of a church or youth group. There may be someone there that they can talk to about their feelings.

A visit to the GP is also very useful as they can assess if any forms of treatment are needed.

The important thing is for your teen to feel that they are not alone, that you are there for them and that you are happy that they have felt able to talk about their feelings.