76. Gangs:
Many parents and carers worry that their teenager may get involved in a gang. Becoming a member of a gang can seem very appealing to some teens. Being a member of a gang can help people feel part of something unique and exciting. Gangs often have their own rules, their own distinct clothes and give their members a strong sense of identity. Gangs are not necessarily violent so if your teen gets involved in a gang don't assume the worst. Try and find out what the gang is like. Are any of the members willing to come round to your house so you can meet them? Is your son or daughter's behaviour affected negatively by being in the gang? If they seem unchanged then you probably do not need to intervene but if they start getting into trouble and do not respond to your rules any longer then you do need to talk to them and let them know your concerns.
Many parents and carers worry that if their teen get involved in a gang the members may be a bad influence on them. This is an understandable concern but it is important to stick to the facts. Are you certain that gang members are influencing your teen negatively? It is important not to jump to conclusions.
When you do share your concerns with your teen, make sure you give them the opportunity to explain their point of view. Carefully consider what they say before making any decisions but once you have decided what you would like from your teen, communicate clearly with them.
You may decide that you want to limit the time they spend with the gang including asking your teen to return home by a certain time.
If your teen cooperates with you you can continue to monitor the situation so that you can intervene when necessary.
If your teen does not cooperate and you believe that they are in serious danger of getting involved in dangerous, illegal activity then the best thing you can do is to consult the police who have trained officers who can help you to deal with this situation.
77. Swearing:
Most teenagers swear at one time or another and this can really upset their parents and carers. Some swear words are considered to be more offensive than others. As teenagers grow, many go through a period of rebellion. It can be exciting doing things that have been forbidden to do. Swearing can seem exciting as it appears to challenge authority.
In addition to this, some parents and carers strongly disapprove of their son or daughter swearing but have a tendency to swear openly themselves.
If you have a tendency to swear it is important that you explain to your teenager that there is a time and a place for everything and some places are definitely not good places for swearing.
Swearing in school does not tend to go down very well so your teen should be discouraged from swearing there. The Older Generation can be particularly offended by swearing as it was much less acceptable 20 or more years ago. Teach your teenager that while some people are amused by swearing and many comedians swear, some people are deeply offended by it and so it is unfair to swear in front of them as it causes unnecessary offence.
Swearing around people is not regarded as serious as swearing at them. If someone is being sworn at they can feel directly challenges but they may be more tolerant of someone swearing in general.
There are better ways of expressing our displeasure than swearing. Excessive swearing is unimaginative and unproductive.
78. Dating Sites:
Many parents and carers can feel concern when their teen starts dating. They naturally want the best for them and don't want the to get hurt. Some teenagers use dating sites such as 'Plenty of Fish' or 'Tinder.' Both sites have age restrictions designed to prevent youngsters from being exploited. Some teens lie about their age and this can lead to problems.
Dating sites get their members to create a profile which details their age and interests etc. If other members of the site are interested they can make contact. If both parties like one another they can choose to meet up.
It is important to remember safety rules when using dating sites. It is best so meet in a public place and let someone know where you are going and what time you will be back. It is best not to accept a lift from your date so you should arrange transport to and from the venue yourself. These tips are designed to keep people safe whatever their age.
It is particularly important that teens follow dating site safety rules if they are going to use dating sites effectively. There are a number of fake profiles circulating and some people are not who they say they are.
If your teenager is making use of a dating site, talk to them and explain that if they are going to use on-line dating they need to let you know where they are going and what time they will be back so that you can help to make sure that they are safe.
Dating sites can get a bad press as some married people pretend they are single and some people go on dates and start relationships with more than one person at a time. Some people say they are looking for a long term relationship when they are really looking for a brief, sexual fling so it, is important that your teenager is aware of this so they can look out for people who don't appear sincere.
That said, teenagers can meet people socially who are not suitable either so it is unfair to distrust all people who use dating sites as the vast majority are single and are genuinely looking to meet someone nice. It is good to look at internet dating as a way of introducing one person to another. What happens next is up to the people concerned.
79. Pornography:
Many teenagers experiment with watching Porn. They may even get hold of magazines or DVD's. It can be very shocking to some parents and carers to discover that their teen has been watching Porn while some parents and carers see this as an inevitable part of growing up.
Any pornography that uses violence or involves under-age sex is definitely not appropriate content for teens. Some porn can be described as 'Soft Porn' and can be viewed by some people as less damaging. It is important to be aware that it is illegal in UK for teenagers to watch Porn until they are 18.
One of the dangers is that if a someone watches a lot of Porn they can end up with unrealistic attitudes towards sex and relationships. This is largely because Porn is an act, it does not reflect reality. It is exaggerated and unrealistic so if teenagers educate themselves about sex by watching porn they are likely to end up with a confused view of what sex is really like.
It is important that you ensure that your teenager knows 'the facts of life.' If they have not received any sex education they are likely to glean what information they can from The Internet and their friends and the may miss out on some vital information around contraception, for example.
It can be very difficult talking to your teen about this subject but if you suspect that they are watching Porn it is important that they are aware of some of the risks associated with this.
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