69. Bereavement:
When someone close to us dies it can be
very hard for everyone to deal with. It can be particularly hard for
teens especially if they have not experienced death before. 'Cruse'
offer invaluable support for people coping with loss. Teenagers are
more aware of the long term implications of losing someone than
younger children but this news occurring at a time when they are
rapidly growing and developing can be a real shock to the system.
They may seek support from their friends or they may be willing to
talk to you about how they feel.
Knowing that your teen is struggling
with bereavement can be very hard on you particularly if you were
also close to the person who has died. Your teen may lash out and
take out their feelings on you at the very time when you feel least
able to cope with this.
It is important that you receive help
and support yourself in order to be able to support your teen.
People go through distinct stages when
they experience grief.
They can experience denial where they
refuse to believe that the news is true.
They can experience extreme anger when
they begin to realise that the news is real and that their loved one
really isn't coming back. They can experience something known as
bargaining where they start saying things like 'if only we had done
this then that would not have happened.' They may even do secret
'deals' with God or a higher force that they believe in saying, ' if
you bring this person back to me I will...'
They can experience sadness, depression and eventually acceptance.
Your teen can swing between these
emotional states and find it very hard to move on with their lives.
After initially receiving the news that
a loved one has died, your teen may also have to deal with attending
a funeral,maybe for the first time.
This may worry them as they know that a
lot of people will be gathered there and will be very upset. This can
be hard for them to face but if they are able to attend the funeral
this can help them to experience a degree of closure.
Grief is unique to each individual.
Some people recover more quickly than others. Listen to your teen.
Let them share how they feel with you. Be honest with them when you
are feeling upset yourself, you are only human and the news has been
upsetting for you too.
Some teenagers find it comforting to
take flowers to the graveside of their loved one while others find
this upsetting. Your teen will find what is right for them.
Recovering from grief takes time and
some people find it very hard to move on from this. Knowing that you
understand this and that they can talk about their feelings with you
is likely to provide them wit a great source of comfort.
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