Day 12~ Step-Parents

12. Step-Parents:

Sometimes teenagers get on well with their step-parents but at other times this relationship can be very tense. Things are more likely to go well when all parents communicate well and share the same views when it comes to bringing up teens.

If the absent parents holds a different view from the parent the teen lives with, this can be a source of conflict.

In an ideal world the birth parents maintain a good relationship and ensure they provide a united response to their children even after splitting up.

Step-parents may have different views on child rearing than either birth parent. This can be a real source of tension in families.

As with any difficult situation, communication is key.

Where possible, parents and step-parents should get together and compromise so that they can present a united message to the teen. Where this is not possible it is helpful if the step-parent respects the view of the birth parents even if they do not entirely agree with them.

If the parent and the step-parent are divided, the teen can exploit this by going to the more lenient person when asking for permission to do things.

If you are a step-parent it can be very helpful to listen to the teen but tell them that you will need to consult their parent before making a decision. Once a teen realises that they can't 'divide and rule' the parents, they are more likely to communicate more effectively with them.

It can be very hard for the step-parent to to stand by and watch the teen criticising or being unkind to their partner and it can be tempting to step in with a statement like, 'Don't talk to your mother/father like that!'

While this response is understandable it is unlikely to be effective and you are likely to make the situation worse.

The best course of action is to ask your partner how you can support them. You can also try and maintain a positive relationship with your step-child. Listen to them and try and understand their point of view. That way they are likely to respect you and be more willing to ask for your advice and support.

The road can be long and hard!