92. Apologising:
It is very hard to say sorry when we
make a mistake but if we never do this, how can we expect our teens
to do this when they get things wrong?
If you model this in your own life by
taking responsibility and offering a sincere apology when you get
things wrong then your teen is more likely to feel that they can do
the same when they make a mistake.
It I also important to be willing to
forgive people who have wronged us particularly when they have
apologised.
It can be hard to forgive someone when
we feel wronged but when we truly forgive someone it releases our
feelings of anger and resentment leaving us free to get on with our
lives so in reality forgiving others benefits us at least as much as
the person who has apologised.
It is important to teach your teen that
when we are truly sorry for what we have done, we do not keep
repeating our mistakes. We learn from them and adapt our behaviour to
minimise the risk of our getting things wrong again.
We also need to model this. If we jump
to conclusions and blame our teen for doing something wrong and then
we apologise once we realise we were wrong then it is important to be
less swift to judge our teen in future. We must remember our mistake
and learn from it by checking we have the facts before accusing our
teen of doing something. Before making judgements we must be
prepared to listen carefully to their explanation. We may have got it
wrong.
If our teen observes that we get things
wrong sometimes but we apologise and adapt our behaviour as we learn
from our mistakes then they are more likely to do this too. It is
important that we act as positive role-models for our teen so they
know what to do when things go wrong.
They learn far more from observing what
we do than listening to what we say.
93. Holidays:
Going on holiday with your teen can be
challenging or it can be pleasurable. A lot depends on what your teen
enjoys doing and what you like doing too.
If you both like going on adventure
holidays then a summer spent at an adventure centre is likely to be
popular with you both but if you like long country walks while your
teen loves shopping then your family holiday is less likely to be a
pleasure unless a compromise can be reached.
It may be that you can take your teen
on your camping holiday and they will enjoy it safe in the knowledge
that you are all going shopping one day in the middle of the week or
they may enjoy the holiday far more if they can bring a friend along.
As with all things, if you consider the
needs and wishes of everyone involved before booking your holiday
then it is more likely that everyone will enjoy themselves.
It may be that your teen has reached an
age where you feel that you can trust them to be left at home while
you go on holiday. It maybe you have friend or family member that
can look in on them while you are away. Only you know if this
approach is right for your teen. Some teens cope well with being left
on their own while others may become scared or abuse the situation by
throwing a huge house party while you are away.
The NSPCC offers sensible advice on
when it is safe to leave your teen home alone as there is no set law
on this.
Some teens wish to go on holiday with
their friends. While you may be happy for this to happen, some
organisations such as some holiday camp-sites do not allow this so
before booking a holiday check the terms and conditions.
We are all unique. What is right for
some of us may not work for others. Your teen may be very independent
and may thrive when they are left alone while others may panic if you
are not there to support them if things go wrong.
94. Relatives:
Some teens have a large family and
regular contact with their extended family. They may see a lot of
their aunts, uncles and cousins, for example.
Other teens may live with a lone parent
and have no other relatives.
Some teens may have a lot of relatives
but not get on with them while others can become best friends with
their cousins or siblings.
Our families are unique. The
relationship we have with our family may well influence the
relationship our teen has with other family members.
Some teenagers find it a lot easier to
talk to their aunt, uncle or grandparents than their own parents.
This can be hurtful for parents but if you think about it, the other
relatives are not so closely involved so they can be more relaxed in
their approach with your teen.
Providing they are not undermining you
and they let you know if there is anything worrying your teen that
you need to be made aware of then it can be very positive to
encourage your teen to confide in them.
Some teens live with a step-parent.
This relationship can be extremely positive but in some cases it can
be very difficult.
Some family members may not approve of
your lifestyle or that of your teen. This can be difficult for all
concerned.
If people are able to be civil and
listen to one another carefully then many differences and
disagreements can be dealt with effectively but in some families,
emotions can run high and conflicts can occur.
Where possible try not to involve your
teen in family squabbles. It can be tempting to complain to them
about your difficult relatives but once the dispute is settled it can
be hard for your teen to move forward.
95. Protests:
We all have our personal views on what
is wrong and what is right in the world and how our country should be
run. Sometimes we are in agreement with our government and sometimes
we disagree strongly.
If we disagree with something strongly
enough we may protest.
Protests can include signing a petition
or attending a demonstration in a public place. Some protests are
peaceful while others can become violent.
Sometimes our teen agrees with our
views and sometimes they don't. Sometimes they agree with our
government and sometimes they don't.
What we do when we disagree with
something varies greatly. Some of us protest and others worry that if
we attend a demonstration we will get into trouble.
If our teen wants to attend a
demonstration and we do not share their view or we are concerned that
they will get into trouble this situation can be difficult to handle.
Talk to your teen calmly and listen to
their views. If they do wish to attend a demonstration find out what
you can about this protest and the organisers. If you believe the
protest to be lawful and well organised then talk to your teen about
how they can keep themselves safe if things go wrong. Do they have a
fully charged mobile phone that can be used in case of emergency.
What will they do if they get separated from their friends etc.
If you believe the protest is likely to
become dangerous and unlawful you need to calmly point out the risk
and the likely consequences of getting involved.
96. Rights And Responsibilities:
Citizens of any country have rights as
well as responsibilities. As members of a particular family we also
have rights and responsibilities. Part of a parent or carers role is
to teach their teen their rights and responsibilities. We all give
and take in life. At times we need to be cared for and at other times
we are in a position to care for others. Our rights and
responsibilities vary according to where we live in the world. This
is a subject that is discussed in school. It is discussed in
Citizenship lessons. It is also important to talk with your child
about rights and responsibilities at home. If you hold balanced
discussions about this subject as your teen grows then you are in a
good position to raise any concerns you have if you feel they are not
behaving responsibly. If your teen feels that you will listen to
them they are more likely to maturely discuss this subject with you
than if you never discuss what is fair and unfair about life.
If your teen is aware of how lucky they
are to have the right to safe clean housing and fresh water, for
example, they are more likely to appreciate what they do have and to
respect the rights of their friends and neighbours too.
97. Doing What We Love:
We all have
talents. It can be hard to work out what they are sometimes.
For some of us it
is obvious what we are good at. We may be excellent at singing or
sport, for example. Some people have a good range of talents and so
it can be hard for them to decide what they wish to focus on.
Many people
flourish when they are able to use their talents in order to earn a
living. Doing what we love and what we are good at can give us a
tremendous sense of purpose.
If your teen is
good at something but you want them to follow in your footsteps and
run your family business this can create a dilemma for them. They may
wish to please you but have a desire to take up a different career,
for example.
You may have a
strong feeling that your teenager would be good at something and you
may encourage them to take this up as a career but if their heart
isn't in it this may not necessarily be for the best.
If someone is good
at something and they love doing it they are likely to apply
themselves and this will make them more likely to succeed.
It is important to
research and see what career choices there are out there. Once your
teen knows what jobs are available they can explore necessary
training.
It is a very
difficult time for parents and carers when they teenager has grown up
enough to make their own decisions but if you have spent time
listening to your child and respecting their decisions they are
likely to be willing to listen fully to your point of view before
reaching a decision that they believe is right for them. Knowing that
they have your support and encouragement in all that they do is
likely to increase their chances of success.
98. Illness:
Dealing with serious illness can be
very difficult for teens. It may be that they develop a serious
illness or that they are struggling to cope with a life threatening
illness experienced by a close friend or family member.
It can be very upsetting for parents
and carers if their teen develops a serious illness. They can feel
helpless as their teen fails to respond to treatment, for example. At
these times it is important that their teen has access to the right
help and support. It may be that they need counselling, for example.
In addition, you may require additional
help and support yourself when you are dealing with a teen who is
seriously ill.
Each area has its own unique services
so it is a good idea to find out what help is available in your local
area. There are also very useful websites available that can offer
additional advice and support.
Sometimes it is not your teen that is
ill. It may be that you or another family member becomes ill and your
teen may struggle to cope with this. Again, local services may be
able to help. On-line support may be available and there are
organisations such as Child-line who can point your teen in the right
direction so that they can receive the support that they need.
Whatever your individual circumstances,
if you can take time to listen to one another and be there for each
other you will be in the best possible position to deal with what
lies ahead.
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